Jimmy Kimmel delayed his show’s taping on Tuesday night to respond directly to Donald Trump’s State of the Union address—only to realize the speech was still going when he had to start filming.
At 1 hour and 48 minutes, it was the longest address to Congress in American history.
“The speech went on so long, Kristi Noem’s dog shot itself,” Kimmel cracked.
The four-time Oscar host suggested a practical solution: “They do need to hire an orchestra to play him off like the Oscars. At the stroke of 90 minutes, go straight into ‘YMCA’ and end it.”
Then Kimmel offered his own, considerably shorter assessment of where America actually stands:
“Here’s the real State of the Union, OK? We have a nutjob wannabe king who’s doing everything he can to censor opinions he doesn’t want to hear. He has his goons arresting, incarcerating and killing American citizens. He’s cut funding for cancer research and children’s hospitals while he rakes in literally billions of dollars for himself and his family.”
Kimmel kept going: “He’s coming after our right to vote. He’s protecting pedophiles and won’t explain it. He’s lining the pockets of billionaires, all while neglecting the sick, the poor, the hungry in the name of Jesus, by the way, who you could read all about in a Donald Trump edition of the ‘God Bless the USA Bible’ that is made in China and available for $99.99.”
“That is the State of the Union.”
The monologue came as Trump used his address to repeat debunked claims, attack his political opponents, and take credit for economic trends that began before his administration. Meanwhile, Democrats brought Epstein survivors and ICE victims as their guests to the speech, while Republicans brought… well, different priorities.
Reps. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib also managed to get under Trump’s skin during the address itself, heckling the president from the chamber floor.
Trump has already responded to Kimmel’s ongoing criticism with fundraising emails calling the late-night host names—which Kimmel gleefully noted proved at least one thing: the president is definitely watching.