Kash Patel, Trump’s 45-year-old FBI director with zero prior Bureau experience, is reportedly running the agency like his personal reality show—complete with costume changes, camera blocking, and diva demands that would make Mariah Carey blush.

WHAT’S GOING ON: According to Axios, Patel demands advance notice of “noteworthy arrests” so he can show up for the cameras. But here’s the kicker: agents are instructed that if he does grace them with his presence, they should avoid talking to him.

Nothing says “effective leadership” like your own employees being told not to engage with you.

THE TANTRUM: Perhaps the most absurd example? After Charlie Kirk’s assassination in Utah, Patel allegedly refused to exit his private jet until someone brought him a size medium FBI windbreaker—with the correct number of patches on the sleeve.

While agents conducted an active manhunt for the shooter, FBI SWAT team members had to rip patches off their own uniforms and run them to Patel’s plane to satisfy his fashion requirements. A leaked dossier from current and former agents called this behavior out as a leadership failure. Patel claimed the story was “100 percent false” on Fox News. Sure, Jan.

OF COURSE: Patel’s social media addiction isn’t helping. He announced an arrest in Kirk’s murder before the perpetrator was actually caught. It’s not the only time that has happened.

ZOOM OUT: This isn’t just about fashion choices or camera time. Agents have dubbed him the “Make-a-Wish director”—a nickname that captures how Patel appears to be using America’s top law enforcement agency as his personal playground for luxury cars, private jets, and celebrity girlfriend vacations. Meanwhile, the actual work of federal law enforcement gets sidelined for photo ops.

BOTTOM LINE: When the FBI director cares more about his screen time than his agents’ ability to do their jobs, we’re not just looking at narcissism—we’re watching the deliberate degradation of federal institutions from the inside. And that’s exactly the point.